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The Unfolding
The Unfolding
Building Resilience and Navigating Adversity with Nastasha McKeon
Have you ever wondered how people find the strength to build a beautiful life out of adversity? If you have, prepare to be captivated by the inspiring journey of Nastasha McKeon. Nastasha's powerful narrative weaves around the core theme of resilience, emphasizing the importance of a positive mindset and reflection in facing life's challenges.
In our conversation, she shares personal experiences that underscore the importance of nurturing a positive outlook to attract opportunities and how cultivating gratitude can be a potent tool in navigating challenges. We also delve into the complexities of healing and relationships, shedding light on the efficacy of self-reflection in our healing journey.
The highlight of our conversation is Nastasha recounting her experience with somatic release breathwork, which helped her move toward forgiveness and self-discovery. As we traverse the themes of identity, authenticity, and forgiveness, you'll gain a rich tapestry of wisdom and insights. So join us and immerse yourself in a transformative conversation that unravels the astonishing power of resilience.
PLANT FOOD IS MEDICINE BOOK
Welcome to the unfolding With the pillars of integrity, action and open heartedness. The unfolding speaks to experts in the fields of personal development, business, science and wellness to discuss how important it is to cultivate inner strength, stability and compassion in our uncertain world. Let us fuel you with wisdom, inspire you with resonant stories and support you in maintaining your wellbeing, with a bit of humor and a lot of commitment to finding a way through. Join us in the unfolding. Whoa, it has been a minute since the last episode Almost a year to be exact so I'm coming in hot with an episode to end season one of the unfolding.
Speaker 1:I often reflect on how is it that a person can create the circumstances that they wish to live in, and one of the qualities that comes to mind, among many that a person needs, is the quality of resiliency and so on. This episode I wanted to bring on someone who really exemplifies that quality. So I dive in with Nistasha McKien on how she has rested into her capacity of resiliency to make her way through difficult circumstances rising out of poverty, building a successful business and matters of the heart. And what I noticed with Nistasha's stories is her ability to intimately be with discomfort and circumstance, her positive mindset, her willingness to learn and the passion that fuels her all come together to make up this quality of resiliency that has enabled her to create the world around her.
Speaker 1:Nistasha is a certified nutritionist and a plant-based diet educator, holding a certification in plant-based and holistic nutrition. She is the founder and CEO of Choice Superfood Bar and Juicery, a chain of organic cafes in Southern California, and she's the author of Plant Food as Medicine. So join us as she gives us a glimpse into the pieces of her story and how she made her way through. All right, I have Nistasha McKien on today, and thank you so much for coming on and taking the time out to do this.
Speaker 2:Really appreciate it. That's my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, one of the things that I really cherish in a human being is resiliency and resourcefulness and, as I've known you throughout the years, you're definitely a person that I feel emulates that. I don't know a lot of your background, but I know that there's probably, you know, like some of us are given a lot and some of us, you know there's different amounts that were given and I just, from little of what I've heard, I had this kind of hunch that, oh, maybe there was. You know some things that you really needed to navigate at a very young age and it seems that throughout the years, you now have three amazing children and you're doing a beautiful job, you know bringing them up and you have a thriving business, and now there's like a. You have a whole new wave of things going on and I'm just over here in awe of you.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much, yeah, and just wanted to. Yeah, I just wanted to say that and just hear you talk a little bit about resourcefulness or resiliency or what it is that you've learned or where, what your journey has been and what were some things that helped you to navigate the challenges, because there is something whenever. Whenever there's certain things when you're not given and you need to figure it out, it's a whole thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally, yeah, completely. That's a really broad, broad question, but I will do my best. Yeah, definitely. Wasn't handed a lot in life. If anything, I was handed a lot of very difficult cards in life, you know.
Speaker 2:Born into a really chaotic family dynamic, my mom, my whole childhood was addicted to, you know, hardcore drugs and in and out of very violent, very, very extremely violent relationships. So saw a lot of pretty yucky things early in life extreme poverty, you know, food scarcity, you name it. My dad wasn't very present in my childhood. He lived in a different state and was pretty, you know, consumed by his own mental health, you know, and his own dynamic and challenges in his life, which later I learned more about, which helped to heal my peace right Like hurt people, hurt people, and you can't give something you never got.
Speaker 2:And so, yeah, I had a pretty interesting childhood, to say the least, and had to learn how to navigate a lot of my life, you know, on my own, without any real tools or resources or people. Even I did have one person who was really a light for me in my life. She was just an example of a strong, independent woman, as my grandmother was actually my dad's mom and she died when I was only 11, sadly she died. She had an autoimmune disease, but she actually died from symptoms of a prescription she was given to treat the disease. And this story will come full circle, bear with me. And so at that time in my life it was a really it was a huge blow right In an already very difficult life, in a dark place, you know, I lost, like the light that I had, the one light that I had.
Speaker 1:And also at 11, which that's a particular kind of. I mean, they're all sensitive times, of course, but there's something about that 11 and in also losing a woman presents in your life Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. And one of the most I don't know, I guess you could say powerful tools that I've found in my life is always looking for the win. You know, no matter what the situation and you know I've experienced it all from you know, death and family suicide. My dad, you know, took his life. I've been in, you know, terribly abusive toxic relationships myself, like I've, you know, faced, you know, my own financial demise on more, you know, more times than I can count.
Speaker 2:So, through all of these challenges that have happened to me in my life, I think that the one thing that has been my saving grace has always been a positive mindset and outlook. And I know that sounds a little cheesy because, like everyone talks about that, but what does that really? What does that really mean? And for me, it's like later in life, after I realized what my passion was in life, which was health and wellness and nutrition and turning healthy food into tasty food and helping people make better choices, and that lit me up inside. Well, why did it light me up inside? It lit me up inside because after my grandma died, I found a book in her room that she never got a chance to read Somebody had given it to her.
Speaker 2:And this book the title was how to heal yourself, naturally what the doctors don't want you to know. And, mind you, my grandma kind of died at the hands of Western medicine. She, you know, the prescription she was given to treat the symptoms you know caused her to have heart failure. She ended up going to the hospital and they didn't recognize she was in heart failure so they left her alone for 45 minutes. They come back, she's in cardiac arrest and she dies. So hearing that story at that age, I was really angry at you know the doctors, really Western medicine, I just didn't know what that was at the time.
Speaker 2:And then I find this book, and this book is all about this idea that food is medicine how to heal yourself naturally, and that planted a seed for me and it's like out of the death of my grandma, which was traumatic and sad and I'd never wished that, but out of that loss inspired what became my entire life, you know, health and wellness.
Speaker 2:And we can always see that in the midst of the storm, when we're going through it, like when we're going through the pain or the loss or the separation or whatever it is that we're going through, bye On the other end, like when we can look for the win.
Speaker 2:You know, there's just so much beauty in everything that's happening to us. I like to look at it as, like everything is gift, everything. They're still packaged up a little bit differently, somehow pretty bows, and some are wrapped more like I would wrap a present, like really poorly, but inside nevertheless there's a gift, and so I think that's been probably one of the most powerful tools for me is that positive mindset, and I don't know what to attribute that to, because it's not something I was taught, it's not something that was modeled for me, but it's something that I think I've always had. You know, another example was being born into extreme poverty, growing up on welfare and food stamps and being homeless at a few points in my childhood and in my adult life, young adult life, like I guess I wasn't really an adult at 16, but you know, I was on my own at that point.
Speaker 2:So it felt like my adult life. You know, I recognized that I was born into poverty, but I didn't identify with poverty. I see this often. I see a lot of people it's like they're born into a circumstance and then you take that on and you wear that robe Like I am poor, I am in poverty, this is who I am, this is what I am, this is how I be, you know, and it's like, actually, that's not true, that's just your current circumstance. But you can think greater and believe greater than your current circumstance, and I've always had the ability to do that, you know, even though I didn't know how I was gonna have the things that I wanted in life, but I just always had the belief that it was possible for me, and that belief I attribute to everything. If I didn't have that belief, I would probably still be, you know, in that world and I think that having the mindset and the belief that it was possible, I think from there is like opportunity is born from that place.
Speaker 2:It's really hard to attract the things that we want in our life when we don't resonate or vibrate at that level. And so, if you believe that it's possible, more opportunities are gonna present and you're gonna recognize them when they do Versus like, if you don't believe that that's possible for you, you might just look right past something that might be an opportunity otherwise.
Speaker 1:Exactly, I see this happen all the time, where someone is going after something or they're considering that something might. You know it's like, oh, I want this thing, but that's like not really for me and I'm like, okay, well, what's a way, you know? Just kind of like let's look and like look around and see if there's any kind of golden nuggets that might it might just be a little piece of what it is that you want, but like kind of follow the thread. But it's like it's really difficult to see whenever a large part of you, or maybe all of you, doesn't even think it's possible Totally, because it won't show up.
Speaker 2:Completely. I love to share this example because it's like so embedded in us, you know, from such a young age. I remember when my son I got I don't know how old he was at the time he must have been like eight years old and I remember I was like making dinner and he was just like chatting my ear off about. He was really into cars at the time and he was like when I grow up, I'm gonna have this, like I'm gonna have this warehouse and I'm gonna like, you know, I'm gonna lower cars, I'm gonna paint them and I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. I'm like awesome bud, that's so cool. Here, here's some paper and pencils. Go draw your shot for me, like because I needed to focus on the recipe I was making. And so I like give him some stuff and I set him up in the room and then I went back to cooking and a few minutes later I went to poke in on him and just see how he was doing and he was sitting there in tears and just like five minutes ago you know, 10 minutes ago he was so excited and so, you know, elevated. And then I come back and he's like sitting there sobbing while he's like got the markers and the paper in front of him.
Speaker 2:I'm like, what happened, bud? What I miss? And he was just like this is never gonna happen. I don't even know how to do this and where am I gonna get the money for that. And it was like, oh my God, at such a young age, we talk ourselves out of our dreams, like because we don't believe that it's possible. And so the one thing that I love to talk about, like if you asked me today, you know, like how I was gonna start choice and how I was gonna grow choice, and I still don't know. Like you know, like you can't get lost in the details, you just have to get lost in the dream. Like you have to like believe that it's possible. You have to believe that you can create that and that opportunities will open and things are available to you. And when you believe in it, it's crazy, but man, the universe just aligns to make things happen.
Speaker 1:It literally works like that. I mean, I have firsthand experience of that and then just to give a little context as to what choice is oh, thanks. Yeah, just for those who don't know. Yeah, tell me what it is.
Speaker 2:Well, we are gosh. Now I like to say we're at an organic cafe just because we've expanded our offering so much, but we're really, you know, a cold press juicerie with a strong focus on like superfood smoothies, and we're all organic, we're gluten free, we're plant based, but we have a full food menu. We have everything. It's really a full scale cafe at this point, but our biggest focus is making healthy food that tastes good and making it convenient and accessible and serving it in an environment where it's just positive energy. I believe energy is infectious, so literally we wear shirts that say choose happiness and we teach on that at the store.
Speaker 2:It's like every single new hire company wide meets me and learns all about you know the policies and the expectations around what that means and essentially I'm just teaching them about presence and stepping to the present moment and leaving our stuff at the door so that we can like be in service to each other at work, but also the guests that we service, as well as creating a sanctuary for ourselves. Like not bringing our negativity in the door. We like love on our guests, with love notes on every cup and bowl. So I don't know how to describe what we are exactly, but for now we say we're again at cafe.
Speaker 1:No, I think it's great and it is funny because there is a vibe. There is a vibe to the stores and like walking in it, it feels like very fresh and it's very uplifting and the juice and like the food is like organic, like it's just a really good, fresh, nice experience and it's intentional. Yeah Well, good job, thank you. And you started off as one store, and now how many do you have?
Speaker 2:now we have seven locations. Six are in San Diego and we just opened up our first Orange County location. That's in San Clemente. Congratulations, I didn't even know about that, thank you.
Speaker 1:Just in October, it's been crazy, so it starts off as a dream and if you, and like you said, like if someone said oh well, how do you open up seven stores like this, this and this? And it's like I actually don't still don't know how it. Just you know, just one step at a time.
Speaker 2:And it's not without its struggles. You know, being in the, I mean we're in the food space. One and two fail in the first year. It's one of the toughest businesses to make it in, and next to impossible when you're not serving alcohol or processed foods or fillers and your ingredients and things like that. Right, we're trying to do something that no one's done before. We're trying to serve the highest quality foods without compromising on integrity, and there's, you know, a fraction of a margin in there. It's tiny and we don't do what we do because we want to make a killing.
Speaker 2:I do what I do because I want to make an impact, like that's my idea of success, is a big impact, and I believe that choice is one of the ways that I get to do that. By serving food that nobody else is serving, I mean, people making the stuff at home aren't even getting the quality of nutrition, and most people that shop at choice don't even know exactly what they're getting. They just love the vibe.
Speaker 2:It feels good when they eat it. They don't know like I have to import raw almonds from Spain because the USDA requires almond growers in the US to pasteurize their almonds. So you can't get a raw almond and you can't sprout an almond that's not raw and break down the enzyme inhibitors and activate the nutrition in the nut, making it live. You know almond milk that's like loaded with nutrition. Like we go above and beyond Most people aren't familiar with, like pasteurization processes and cold pressed juice and how we absolutely, you know, steer clear of anything like that and how people dilute their juice and we don't do any of those tricks of the trade to make money. We do it the hard way. But someone told me once if you love what you do, you'll never work another day in your life, and that always made an impact on me and for me. I love the products that I have here and I consume them. I believe in them because they're the highest quality nutrition out there.
Speaker 2:You can't get this stuff anywhere else and that feels so good to me. It's like I love it. And so it doesn't. It doesn't feel like work.
Speaker 1:That's really beautiful and I like the like what I'm really feeling as you're sharing. All that is like so much care, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And it's funny because when I walk into your shops it's like, oh, I don't even have to think about or worry about what I'm putting into my body, because I know that someone has taken the time to have to hold that piece Absolutely. You know what I mean Absolutely. So it's like it's just it's so lovely.
Speaker 2:It's so lovely.
Speaker 1:Thank you, yeah, that's yeah.
Speaker 2:But when you talk about like resiliency, for example, I mean choice wouldn't be here if it wasn't for resiliency.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, talk about some of that. That's always kind of fun.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, so many opportunities to throw the towel.
Speaker 2:I mean as early as like six months in, when I was six months in, I was facing three lawsuits.
Speaker 2:My business partner was, you know, we had decided it wasn't going to work out together, and so it was kind of one of these ultimatums like buy me out by the end of the week or I'm taking the company from you kind of situation at the time and work right now, but good friends now, but at the time there's a lot of, like you know, motions and big feelings going on. So it was a hostile, you know, it was a hostile moment in our lives, and so I had to, like figure out how to buy him out of a company that was bleeding cash, and I didn't, you know, I didn't know if I was going to make it past the next payroll, you know, because I didn't have the deep pockets to keep writing the checks and keep, you know, loaning the company money, and so it was a really scary time for me. I mean, to this day, I love telling the story because, like you can go back to our Instagram from like, I was like maybe October, november or something of the first year, like 2014.
Speaker 2:And there's this picture of me and it's like it encapsulated that moment in my life where I made this decision to move forward, where I feel like most people would have thrown in a towel. And again I'm in this financial ruin. Almost I'm cashing out every last investment for O&K just to make payroll, trying to keep it afloat. The forecast, like it is currently, won't stop calling for rain. It's our first year. Our first location is outdoors. I have a commissary kitchen component and I realize that in order to stay in business, I need to grow, but I don't have the capital to grow, to build out a new store and I'm like I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 2:And I remember this night so vividly. I went to bed and I just cried and cried, and cried and cried until it was like empty, like I cried everything out of me, you know, and at the bottom of all of that, what I was left with was gratitude, like I got to live my dream. And even if you know in two weeks that all ends, I'm gonna enjoy the heck out of the last two weeks that I have, you know, driving the ship, like I walk around and I see people with my dream in their hand, sipping my dream, like it was in my mind, and now it's a tangible thing. That is like making people happy and making people healthier, and I just was overwhelmed with gratitude. And it's crazy how, when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change. And it's so true you hear that all the time but it's so true Like nothing had changed.
Speaker 2:The next morning, the forecast still called for rain for the next two weeks. You know, I was still in financial ruin. I still didn't know how I was gonna open the next door. I didn't know where the money was gonna come from or how I was gonna make it. But there's this picture of me on our Instagram feed with my hoodie on and a ice cold smoothie bowl, you know, in the pouring rain, smiling ear to ear, and from that point forward, everything changed, like all of the things that we talked about earlier. How, like the things that are traumatic, that feel really bad in the moment are gifts.
Speaker 2:Well, a perfect example of that is, at that time, one of the lawsuits that I mentioned. There were three. One of them was a juice company called Juice Nation. They're not around anymore, but they were suing us for trademark infringement because their logo it was Juice Nation, with, like Panjia, made up of fruits and vegetables, and the Choice logo has, like the continents as they exist today on a map behind Choice Juicery. So not much there, but still you have to hire an attorney and you have to refute it, which we did, but it cost me money when I didn't have it, and this was really scary time.
Speaker 2:And then, you know, it was like maybe a few days after that moment of like the switch switching into gratitude, and I remember getting a call from this woman who owned a Pilates studio at the time in Slona Beach and she was asking me to collaborate with her on a cleanse, and I was like oh, no, no, no, no, no, you have a juice place in your center. I don't wanna sip on their toes. They already don't like me. They just tried to sue us for trademark infringement. I'm gonna, like you know, opt out. And she's like oh no, no, they're gone. And I was like what do you mean? They're gone. She's like they just closed their doors yesterday. They're out of business. And I was like what? No way. Like I was like I was like floored.
Speaker 2:And so I reached out to the guy and he felt so guilty. He said he had an over-aggressive attorney, like he had trademark attorney. He was over-aggressive, he made him do it and he was so apologetic. He was like do you want my store? It's a fully built out juice bar. Oh my gosh, I was like you're kidding me. So my second location, my Solana Beach store, is that store. Oh, wow, you can't make this stuff up. It's like, when you switch to gratitude, like the universe can conspire in ways that you didn't even believe possible. Who would think that a company that's suing you is gonna turn around and hand you a store? Right, but that's what saved us.
Speaker 2:I mean, at that time I needed a location that had a big enough space to move my commercial kitchen into so that I could grow from there, because I couldn't afford the overhead at the kitchen and at one location, two overheads on the sales of one store. And I also needed more sales coming in because I had my first store in my first year. It's an outdoor location and we sell a cold product Well, we mostly sold cold products back then. So anyways, that store saved us. From that day forward we've been growing out of cash. We've never had to raise money again.
Speaker 2:It's been such a gift, and so these kinds of things, that's what can happen when you change your mindset. And we've faced many moments like that as a company. I think partially because I do what I love and I believe in it so much it's not easy to throw the towel in Right. I'm a big believer that people don't fail. They quit, and I had an easy out many a times and I didn't want to let it go because it was such a dream. I was living my dream, I was doing something that doesn't feel like work, and so you fight for that, you stay in the ring a little longer, for that that's passion.
Speaker 1:That passion can do a lot of fuel.
Speaker 2:Yes, it is.
Speaker 1:You can get through the rough patches.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's funny, even like you were saying, there's like three lawsuits and all these things are happening. And even if I had to shut it down, the ability to turn around and look at what just happened, even though it definitely didn't go in the direction that you wanted it to, and to be able to look at it and be like, what can I harvest from this? Oh, and really letting oneself get with. Ok, I got to do this thing.
Speaker 2:Totally.
Speaker 1:Or it could be like oh, now I had to navigate all this legality and there's actually knowledge and experience, that one you harvest from that. It's like, oh, now I've got this knowledge and experience in this arena that I didn't have before. And so actually, maybe if I open up another business, maybe I have a little bit more foresight into what I'm doing that I didn't have before. Absolutely, it's a business degree.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so, just like that was one of the first things that I kind of noticed is your ability to look at what has happened. There's something to harvest in everything, and it's like really having an eye to see. What is it that I can get you know and bring forth with me.
Speaker 1:And then you keep doing that and you become like just a very powerful person that can do a lot of things, versus if you're focusing on the loss and then you totally miss all the things that you could have taken with you moving forward, absolutely.
Speaker 2:I think a lot of it too is just like it's trust. You know. You have to trust that what's unfolding is again back to what I said originally everything's a gift, you know so it's like leaning into the trust, like, okay, I'm not in control of the situation, so let me accept, let me let it in fully, because I feel like a big part of our suffering is the resisting, like.
Speaker 2:I'm resisting, I'm resisting, I don't want this to happen, I need this to happen. You know, it's like the resisting and the clinging that creates so much suffering. And so when, in those situations, you can like, you know, let it in, okay, we might not make it okay then what you know like, what am I left with? You know, it's like, oh well, man, that was a wild ride, like I got to do something not a lot of people get to do. You know, like bring their dream to life, sign their own checks, like wow, like I did that, like, and now it's like, okay, I'm looking at this with gratitude. And then it's crazy how every time when you can switch to that place, more solutions show up. I don't know, or maybe you're just more open to them because you're in a different mental space. I don't know if I would have thought to call that guy you know that I'm not been in a place of gratitude, had I still been?
Speaker 2:whoa is me? And look at these guys did this and victim mindset it's like you get insights and you get these gifts of wisdom when you're clear headed. And you're clear headed when you're in a good place, when you're happy, when you're in gratitude. I always feel like gratitude is the medicine, the answer for almost everything.
Speaker 1:You know it totally puts you in a different psychological space. Totally it really does. And you know, and like I also want to add, like at least for my own personal kind of navigation, like the way that I navigate things, like there's sometimes where there will be parts of me that are like they are very much what was me and I'm like okay, let it all do your thing, you know you got two hours Like let's really sink into this and just really feel sorry for ourselves.
Speaker 2:Put on some sappy songs and cry it out.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, you know, reach out to a friend and I'm like, can I just do a pity party for, like you know, 12 minutes? And then, like you just like, just don't hold any of it as truth, just let me just be like, and this sucks and this sucks, and like, really get it out and like, really, let that one be included too. And then also like, let the one who you know just has more foresight Okay, you've had your like. Okay, get on the ship now. Now I'm sailing.
Speaker 2:Totally, totally Well, like I mentioned, in that night it's like I cried it out, like I let it all out, you know I was definitely throwing myself a pity party you know, and then wallowing in my tears. But then, like, once I got it all out, then I was like okay, you just can't get stuck in that. And that's, I think, a challenge that a lot of people have, is they get stuck in the wallowing.
Speaker 2:It's like you have to okay, experience it, let it in, let it in fully. And now? Now, what Like? What's next? So we did that. We're moving on from that now. Step two. Here we go.
Speaker 1:Here we go. It's amazing, yeah, that's fantastic. And so now it seems like I've been following. I've been following you on social media and I guess it's been. I'm not exactly sure, but I'm just watching, just kind of feeling and noticing you over the last year. I'm like, oh, something new is happening for Anastasia. I'm like, oh, okay, something new is happening. I'm like, yes, yes yes. It's almost like there's something new completely emerging.
Speaker 1:It also looks like there's like this healing journey that's involved not to say that you haven't had one before, but you know it were like a spiral. Yes, yes. So yeah, I just wanted to do you to speak a little bit about what's happening.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I've been on a healing journey for, you know, probably the past 15 years of my life, but you know, it's like we do, we hit these like plateaus and then we kind of like cruise for a while and then like we hit another layer and another layer and so on and so forth, probably forever, you know. And so, yeah, I went through. I feel like one of the gifts in my Achilles heel, which has been relationships in my life, like you don't come out unscathed from the upbringing that I had. You know, I didn't.
Speaker 1:I never witnessed positive, healthy love and relationship, and so yeah, and I really want to say something to that because you know I have a very similar experience. The relationships early on were quite dysfunctional and for someone who is raised in this like really beautiful environment or an environment that really has a lot of what a child needs it can be. I think sometimes can be really hard for someone to understand what it's like to have things missing from the childhood that one never considered and like the impact that that has on relationships later down the road or like how it is that you view love?
Speaker 1:how is it that you view connection? What is normal, what is it's? That's been one of my Achilles heels as well, that I'm still like going through and and kind of giving myself what I needed back then and I'm like, wow, this is a big deal.
Speaker 2:It's massive, you know, it's like those things that we experienced or didn't experience. They create the some scars right, and it's like, you know, it's the lens that we're seeing the world through.
Speaker 2:You know, it's like my reality of a situation is gonna be different than your reality because we have different lenses. Based on our experience, you know we have different, some scars. I love Michael Singer explains it like like a plasma screen TV and it's playing with something on it and then it like gets left on, like maybe like the news on or something, and and then it burns, the image burns into the screen. So then you know, next week you go to turn something on and watch it, but you're watching it through the view or the lens of what's burned in there. So you're it's distorted, it's not. You're not seeing the reality of what's playing now, you're seeing it through the distortion that's such, that's such an epic metaphor for that Right.
Speaker 1:it's like phew.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm like, oh my gosh, this is that thing that's happening right now. You know like I'm doing that thing, I'm seeing it through my lens and so I always know I'm seeing it through a lens of my some scar. When I feel activated inside, when I feel, you know, upset, emotional, you know not to make a situation right or wrong, because there is no right or wrong, but I know when I'm feeling activated, it's like, okay, this is a time for me to like, step back, reflect, pause don't react, slow down, yeah, space time.
Speaker 2:But yeah, to your point, I'm also going through that process myself and I feel like even though of course you know it's painful going through a lot of heartache and having a lot of, you know, failed relationships.
Speaker 2:I've left a trail of them in my life but I'm so grateful for them, as crazy as that sounds, because for me the loss of relationships in my life has always been the catalyst for my growth and so I've always been able to, like transmute that energy into, like you know, that springboard, to like shoot me forward and so, coming out of you know, I recognized in my last relationship that I was in a toxic relationship, but it took me, you know it took me a while. You know it's like when you are brought up in toxicity, when you're brought up around abuse, when you're brought up around all these things, that can take a long time to recognize because, like you're what's normal, your view is skewed a little bit Like so it's almost like if you have I don't even know if this is gonna come out right, but it's like you have the number one through 10, and 10 being very ideal, and then you've been given a two and you're given a two.
Speaker 1:You're given a two, Like it's almost like the three and above doesn't even register on your, doesn't register as like a thing. And so then it's like, okay, you get a two and maybe somehow like there's like an opening and then you experience a three and then once you kind of that starts to become normalized, it's like two now doesn't register. I don't know if that example kind of makes sense, but there's like things that I noticed that now I have normalized as like I don't wanna say like expectation. It's expected, like not a demand, but it's like enough coarseness that this element in the relationship would be there.
Speaker 1:And if it's not there, then I wouldn't it's not something I would go towards now where before I didn't even know it was an option, so I'm like, oh, okay.
Speaker 2:Would you agree that if somebody came and served you up a 10, though on a silver platter, that that might freak you out, because you've never had a 10 before and even in your life? And maybe I'm misunderstanding your explanation or your example, but, like for me, I grew up with a very avoidant dad who wasn't around. He never told me, I never heard like I love yous, I never got physical affection. The closest he got to giving me physical affection was like patting me on the head and calling me pumpkin.
Speaker 2:Like little pumpkin, you know, and I was like I, oh, I'm gross.
Speaker 1:My dad doesn't wanna hug me.
Speaker 2:My dad doesn't wanna touch me, but I didn't know this until later in life. My dad was never hugged or touched, or or. I said that you know his. Both of his parents had a lot of trauma in their lives as well, and so physical touch wasn't a thing that he was ever taught. So how could he ever give it?
Speaker 2:you know, Love and affection, like it was not something he was given. So how could he have it to give? And some people learn through contrast. But, and you know, you see, sometimes people grow up without it and they become like the most loving, adoring parents. So it's not, it's not true for everyone, but in my dad's case, you know, he was very closed off emotionally, physically, mentally and then literally physically, like I'd go years without talking to him in my childhood and so on that side and then on my mom's side, just lots of imbalance there as well. And so you know, when I see, you know what the world might be. It was like healthy, normal, available love interest. I feel like I'm being suffocated and I run for the hills because that feels scary to me.
Speaker 3:I'm like ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. They're like whoa. We're very similar, sasha, yes, yes.
Speaker 2:And then when I, when I see somebody who shows like and it's not even the way that they necessarily show up, it's like an energy signature which I've come to learn. And now that's like such a powerful place to be, like, oh, you feel this way. I know what this is now.
Speaker 1:Like I wanna go this way.
Speaker 2:I know what this is, but in the past that energy signature, like it, felt familiar because it's the. It's like the absence of presence, it's the absence of, like, safety and security and that feels like love to me. That fear, that like that unknown, that riskiness that you know it makes this chemical reaction in me and I call that love. What I've learned is that's actually, like you know, chaotic and toxic relationship and you know not to make anybody wrong or bad or whatever, but you know, that's just the type of relationship dynamic that I would end up in, and it would always take me a while, because I loved to lie to myself.
Speaker 2:I love to lie to people around me, like and it's not necessarily a lie, it's like an omission of truth. Like, oh, he's so amazing, he's so wonderful. Like never mind the fact that this happened. Like I'm just gonna omit that part Cause like but out that he's so amazing and wonderful. But I did it to myself as well as everyone else.
Speaker 1:And almost is it, would you say that could be like a form of denial.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely Well also, I think you know, in in our society in general, I think you know we're kind of taught to, like you know, find the one, you know, the soulmate, the one. Oh, yes, this story yes, and I think that that ruins us in so many ways because we get attached to that one. So, like you know, you look at, like you make eye contact with a guy at the coffee shop, we're like maybe he's the one. You know, he's just like oh my.
Speaker 1:God, there's only one, there's only one, and that's him.
Speaker 2:Yes, and so naturally, if we're thinking there's only one, you know, and you have a little bit of chemistry and there's attraction and he hits enough of the boxes, you're gonna do everything in your power to, you know, shave off those square edges to make it round, to fit in the round peg. You know, the round peg or the square peg in the round hole, Like to your point.
Speaker 2:Because, you want it so bad and you're so attached to it that you, like, you start no, no, no, no, that's no. I can round that out a little bit.
Speaker 1:You know that'll fit. Oh, it's the one. It's the one. I know how to do this. I can make this work Totally.
Speaker 2:So all that said, yes, I've tried to do that a lot and. I've learned that that doesn't work.
Speaker 1:And so I also wonder if that could be like like some of the shadow of resiliency.
Speaker 2:To okay, totally Working against me. Yeah, I can figure this out.
Speaker 3:We're gonna make this work. We can do this we can do this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so yeah, after my last relationship ended and I ended, you know, in kind of like a you know chaotic way and you know really hurtful and heartbreaking and all the things. But you know, honestly, before it even ended I realized I meant I did that thing again, I fell in the hole again.
Speaker 2:I'm in the hole you know have you ever heard that story? Like I'm walking down the street and like I didn't see this hole and I fell in this hole. It's dark in here, I can't get out. It's not my fault, the hole was here. And then it's like the next day I'm walking down the same street and I see the hole and I still fall into the hole.
Speaker 1:You know, it's like the next day, you know.
Speaker 2:I walk around the hole and the next day I walk on a different street. You know, it's like the evolution of the choices that we make in our lives. And so I had one of those moments in this last relationship where I was like, oh man, I'm in the hole. Only this time, it is my fault, only this time, like I did do this, I did jump into this hole and you know, the warning signs were there, the red flags were there, but I wanted it so bad that I jumped right in and was like, well, let's see.
Speaker 2:And so, instead of like just jumping right out, which I typically do in these relationships, I decided to like work on getting back into alignment, cause that's the thing that I find like when I go into these toxic dynamics it requires me to abandon myself to maintain the relationship. And so I realized, oh my God, here we are again, like I've abandoned myself. And so, instead of just jumping out and then finding balance again, it was like let me find balance within the relationship. And then, naturally, the relationship just stopped working completely, you know, because that toxic dynamic can really only work if somebody has abandoned themselves.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean Totally, and so I started just like pulling the parts of myself back and that really created this, like you know, journey that you're seeing now, where you're like, wow, I've noticed this, like this big shift. And it started first with I signed up like within a matter of a few days. I was like I'm gonna go to this breath work thing that somebody had told me about A friend of mine who he drinks a lot of plant medicine and he's like you know, we're kind of always like on the level talking about all these like ways to level up and hack ourselves. And he was like Nostasha, I did this, like I went to this like breath work training, and he was like it's a game changer. And this is a guy who, like, drinks a lot of ayahuasca. And he was like like this is the, this work is gonna change the world, like this is the most powerful thing I've ever done. I'm like, okay, I need to go to this thing.
Speaker 2:So, I signed up for it. Well, I almost signed up for it, and then I talked to myself out of it. I was like in Austin, Texas, and I was like what am I? I'm not gonna go to a facilitator training, Like I don't need another thing to do.
Speaker 1:Like I am busy.
Speaker 2:I'm like the busiest there is that. I know this is crazy, I'm not doing it and it was like a week later they announced like our first San Diego training.
Speaker 1:I'm like okay, universe, I see you. So I signed up naturally.
Speaker 2:And then I went to this thing and I kept. The whole time I was there I was like the negative self-talk why am I here? Like this is ridiculous. Like why am I learning to be a facilitator of breathwork? I'm not gonna do this. Like why did I get myself into this? And then I had my first breathwork session by Steven Jaggers, who's like the creator of this modality. It's called somatic release breathwork and it's some of the most potent work I've ever done and I've done a lot of work, done all the things, and I've done a lot of breathwork and I love all the breathwork I've done. There's so many beautiful modalities out there, but this one was specific to like what my needs were and you know the deep stored trauma in the body you know, and man, it was just mind blowing.
Speaker 2:I'll share one of the most, two of the most impactful moments in that experience, One of them being my own personal healing. When Steven like led us through a breathwork session and I had something that I've done a lot of therapy on, a lot of counseling around. You know EMDR, all the things around in my life Something that happened to me when I was 14. And I thought I had healed it, Like I wasn't angry at the person anymore. I had like forgiven it, Like I thought I had healed it because I didn't hold anger around it anymore. It didn't make me emotional, I wasn't upset about it. What I didn't know is I was still carrying something from that and in the middle of this breathwork session I start like it was almost like being in a Chinese torture device where you have to like see all the stuff starts coming up, Like all these visions, all these memories, and I'm like flashes, flashes, and it was like everything in my life about myself that was shameful, like that I was ashamed of myself.
Speaker 2:It was like this thing and this thing and this thing, and then it led all the way back to this incident at 14. And then I'm looking at this incident, seeing it, and then it was like something hit me and out of me flew the 14 year old little girl and I'm looking at her carrying all the shame that I just was shown that I've been carrying my whole life. But now I'm projecting it. I'm looking at who I'm projecting it at. I'm looking at her, me, 14 years old, and I broke. I was like she never deserved that. She never deserved that she's 14, you know.
Speaker 2:So that shifted so much for me, like releasing shame. Like that shifted everything. Like the way I felt about myself in a room, you know the way like my level of comfort around people and how much I let people into my life. Like when you're ashamed on some level, like it's hard to really let people in and let people really see you, really connect with people, truly, you know, I never felt comfortable in my own skin and so this experience just like wow, it just blew my mind. And then, while there, you know we had to do these like practice sessions. So I'm like, ok, I got what it came for. I got my healing. You know, it was great, it was worth it.
Speaker 1:Great, got it Ready to go.
Speaker 2:I don't need to stay for the rest of this you know, and then, like the next day, they had us practicing like the, you know, holding space, and like the and the giving part right, like so I'm guiding somebody through a somatic experience, and they had actually like they were picking partners for people, and there was this one girl. I was like anyone for her, I was like 30 people there. I was like anyone for her, please anyone for her. And of course I got her. And the reason why I didn't want her was because I kept seeing the same thing happen when she got chosen. You know, like a partner chosen, you have to ask permission to put your hands on somebody and she'd always say yes, but then she'd throw their hands off when they would touch her. And I was like I was so afraid of that happening to me.
Speaker 2:So it's like I don't want her, I don't want her. And then I got her and then, of course, I asked her permission. She'd give permission.
Speaker 2:I'm like, come on, we all know where this is going to go, you know, and so, and so you know we're going through the experience and what's really cool about this particular style because they combine like somatic touch with NLP queuing with this, like the first half is like very much like holotropic breath work.
Speaker 2:It's super intense, it activates a sympathetic nervous system and brings up stress and trauma in the body, and so we're going through that and they teach us to like help people have permission to go there with themselves. So we have this like rule of 10% where, like you know, you get someone to make a little bit of noise and then you raise them by 10% and then they get a little louder, and then you raise them by 10% and they get a little louder and you raise them by 10%. Because, even though you're deep in your experience, there's still that part of you that's like oh, I can't take up space Totally. Oh, I'm not allowed to be loud Totally, I don't want everyone to hear me, right. So you get there right next to them. You're like, yes, you're like, yes, they start screaming. You're screaming right there with them and you're going 10% louder, like let's do this, let's get this out so good, so it's powerful.
Speaker 2:So I get this girl, you know, going and she's like screaming and screaming and she starts hitting things and I'm like I don't know what to do. I look around the facility or grabs a pillow and he brings her away. He's like give this to her and tell her like this is here If you need it, and like put her, like let her feel it with her hand, like okay, give her the pillow. And she sits up and then she just starts beating this shit out of this thing and she starts screaming get off of me, get off of me, get off of me, repeatedly until she breaks. And just a little bit of like history on that. I don't know if you follow any of the Peter Levine work, but he talks about how, like when there's trauma, like sometimes you have to go back to that trauma and reenact it, making ourselves the victor. You know, and it was like I got to witness that happen for this girl she had been raped a year prior, almost to the day, in Thailand, and she froze when it happened and she carried a lot of stuff around that and so she reenacted. Only she beat him off of her right, like she actually physically beat him off of her this time and holding space for that, and then just watching her break and cry. And then at some point she reaches over and she grabs my hand mind you, she never let anyone touch her before she grabs my hand and she puts it on top of her and she holds me and like I just held her as she cried and it was like the moment I was like I want to do this, this is why I'm here, turns out it's not just about me, just like how powerful it is to hold space for somebody else, and it's not like we're doing I'm not healing you, I'm not doing anything for you Like you're doing the work, you're doing the healing. But they say healing happens in the presence of an empathetic witness, and getting to show that empathy and hold that space for her and watch how she was able to transmute that it just was so powerful and so, yeah, that really changed me, that whole experience. So I came home from that and I also went down to Peru for a couple of weeks and worked with some Shippebo Shalmans down there and those experiences like just have continued to unfold and turn into where I'm at today, which I don't even know exactly where I am, but I'm just following this path of okay, I feel called to do this, so I'm stepping into like leading, breath, work and facilitating and continuing to obviously practice myself as well, and I have craving more now than ever for community and connection.
Speaker 2:I've been alone wolf my whole life. Like I know a lot of people. The girls joke all the time. They're like oh, people coming all the time Like, oh yeah, I'm friends with Natasha. They always know that, like you mean Natasha, yeah, you're a real good friend. Like a lot of people know who I am. A lot of people would consider themselves friends of mine, but I always there was a strong barrier to entry with me. It was like really hard for me to let people fully in. I didn't even recognize it and I always thought it was like their fault.
Speaker 2:Like you know, oh, they don't reach out to me or they don't invite me or they don't you know, but it turned out like I wasn't very open and I also I didn't. I never reached out. I was terrified of rejection my whole life, like I can count on one hand how many times in my adult life, up until like a year ago, I reached out and invited anyone anywhere, ever, ever, like even in relationships, and I've been in long-term relationships and they were like, do you know what it's like to be with someone for years that never once initiates a text, a call, a date, anything? I was like, oh my God, is that really true? Yeah, I'm not sure. So, like that's something I've had to. You know I had now have awareness around. It's something that I, you know. It's like, oh, if you want love, you have to give love. You know, if you want connection, you have to give connection. You know it's like you can't, you can't receive what you're not willing to give. And so that's really shifted.
Speaker 2:I got inspired to create a woman's book club on like conscious books and so, mostly because, selfishly, I wanted to talk about all the books I was reading. But when I started I was like God, I have like two close friends that I could think of that would want to join this. You know, I was like I can't, I can't do that. So I'm in a book club with like one or two friends, you know. But I was like, just do it, kind of like you were telling me with starting the podcast, just like you just gotta start, you just gotta do it, and so I did.
Speaker 2:I remember talking to my girlfriend Asia and being like do you want to join my book club? And she's like yeah, totally. Oh, my God sounds amazing. I'm like yeah, it's just you and me. She's like okay, it's like I think you want to invite my girlfriend Brooke too. And so it started out with us. And now it's like grown so big that like I have to cap it because there's not enough time for us to all. You know. Like we had to like cap, like you guys can't invite anymore people. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Just talk too much and so just stuff like that, like you know, just really pursuing this, like I don't know, helping you know myself but also everyone around me, to level up and grow and heal, and that's kind of where I've been.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness, you know like I'm a. I do. I think you may know, but I'm like a healing intern at Luminous Awareness Institute. I didn't know that.
Speaker 2:I knew you were a part had done Luminous. I didn't know that you were in, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's amazing. Yeah, definitely in the yes and in all for sessions to people and things like that. And there's something so holy about being in those places with people, whether it's I've been on the receiving end or on the witnessing end of like witnessing the the most. It's like the most exquisite, like most sensitive, most important places within someone's heart without inside someone's being, and it's just like there's nothing that beats that.
Speaker 2:Nothing.
Speaker 1:You know, and not to say it's not all pain Like there's also like this amazing, like these, like beautiful places of like essence and like beauty.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:And and I just love that you shared that story, you know.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you. Yeah, you know, every time I go into like leading something, I'm like, ah, you know that imposter. You know like syndrome shows up and I'm just like, oh, what am I doing here? Like I don't belong here. I should like what am I doing? And then, as soon as it's like you're in it and you get out of your own way and just like let spirit come through and let happen what happens, and it's like afterwards and you hear the stories and you just feel the essence of people you know and how connected you feel to people. When you like go through healing like that together, I just every time, I'm just in awe afterwards and I'm like when's the next one?
Speaker 2:Wait wait, I wanna do that again, this is great.
Speaker 1:You know it's so great. Yeah, it's really, it's really amazing and I am so excited that that you're doing this. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. I have no idea where it's leading, but I'm like I'm just following the breadcrumbs.
Speaker 1:I'm like you're such an amazing, just amazing soul, Amazing, you know, just beautiful heart, and like you're on it, thank you. Thank you and do you mind if I offer a reflection? Please don't make a mistake. You know, I mean, you know the it's like the lone wolf and I'm assuming that you probably historically I don't know if that's still true, but you probably fell in the avoidant kind of spectrum.
Speaker 2:I feel like I have a. What do they call that when you have?
Speaker 1:when you have Disorganized, Disorganized yeah.
Speaker 2:Cause I can, that I'm attracted to people who make me anxious. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but with anyone else I'm completely avoidant.
Speaker 1:So it's so it seems. It seems like avoidant would be like it, kind of like a day to day yes, absolutely. And then there's like certain circumstances, where it's like yes, yes, I haven't got that one too.
Speaker 1:Okay, Lucky us. Yeah, I know right, and what's really interesting is like those, because it's a nervous system thing and you know it's a whole body thing and there's like, there's signatures, it's an energy signature and it's like I think I think we were over at Sam Skelly's house, I think, one of the last times when Korra was in the backyard and I was like following her around, and it's like, it's like, it's been like, but it's like there's a lone wolf signature that you have sent out and I've always, I've always actually really admired it, because I think I have a lot of that as well.
Speaker 1:And I'm like, oh like.
Speaker 3:I'm not the only one and I'm like I get it, yes, and I'm like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And as I'm sitting here with you here now and I think that's one of the things that I've been kind of maybe been sensing is like that I love the lone wolf signature and it can come out at any time that we need it to come out. And it's also like oh, there's something else that's happening, yeah, yeah, absolutely. There's like this beautiful, like melting in and like this like blending and opening, yeah, and it's like it feels good.
Speaker 2:Thank you, yeah. One other thing that I would love to share just a little bit on, is I part of that journey of unfolding? I made a big decision to have an ex-plant and that was like To have a what An ex-plant. So I had implants and I had them taken out. Oh, and that was like a big part of me like stepping into myself fully, you know, being just like fully authentic in myself.
Speaker 2:I had gone through a breakup when I was like 23 years old and I'd already had two kids and nurse two kids and at the time what I thought was a love of my life had just broken up with me and I was like I'm gonna do some self-improvement, which obviously back then looked quite a bit different in this exterior. And so I had implants put in and, you know, shortly after I regretted it but you know, just, you know, kept them for years. And then, you know, the further I got on my path, more and more I was like these are so out of alignment. But it was like by then it was like not a lot of people knew I even had them and you know, and it's like to undo that and for it to be so public and you know, and also the fear of going through all of that.
Speaker 2:And then, you know, going back to my body, naturally, and all those things are so much around it, and I decided I had decided I wanted to do it a couple of years ago and then my previous relationship kind of caused me to not do that, and so that was like the first thing I did when I left. The relationship was like I'm moving forward with, like, becoming more authentic in myself, and so I moved forward with the ex-plant and taking those things out of my body not only helped my health but also, just like, helped me to just be more of me. You know truly who I am. Not to knock those not doing the like, you know to each their own way, of course, but for me I knew it was wrong for me.
Speaker 2:I knew it was out of alignment for me and so moving forward with that and like getting that out of my body, I mean all about health and wellness.
Speaker 2:I preach on how I'm putting you know. I talk about how we serve juice and glass bottles to avoid plastic leaching, you know, into the juice. And then here I am, like having you know leaching in my own body and just so out of integrity with it. And so moving forward with that and honoring my inner truth, which I think that's where all the magic comes from. The more we say yes to our inner truth, the more we like, acknowledge and follow through with the things that we know we should be doing. And it's different for everybody, but for me it was a big one and there was a lot of resistance. And then following through with that like that really changed so much about me. It also changed the type of people I feel like I draw into my life.
Speaker 2:I know that sounds crazy because it's such a superficial thing, but there is an energy to it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean then that's that totally makes sense to me, like there was a time when I was really ripped when I was rock climbing and then the it was just different. Like the different people came in there was different comments about the body.
Speaker 2:Like I was like oh wow, when it's such a physical thing.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I mean and also kind of like the metaphysical or like the more kind of intangible things about it Absolutely, yeah, absolutely. Wow, wow, it's a journey, it sure is. One more thing that I want to ask you about, because I thought that this was really interesting. You had, you know, you had with the business partner, and then there was a lot of I mean, it sounds like hostility. That happened. Usually people don't make it back from that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, one of the things I pride myself in is being in good standing with everyone from my past. You know I don't like having negativity looming over me in the past Like I would. I think like every single one of my exes, even like the ones that were brutal partnerships for me.
Speaker 2:You know I'm in good standing with everybody you know I like to forgive and, you know, love everything, and it's not easy, always in the moment, but I always come back to that. It's all love, it's all forgiveness, you know, and it's forgiveness isn't for the other people, it's for you. Anyways, at the end of the day, when you can truly forgive someone and let go of carrying that in your body, I think, that's one of the most toxic things.
Speaker 2:Speaking of toxicity in the body is like holding onto resentment or anger or any of that. And so, yeah, we had that falling out. And then I, you know, we bought him out of you know, the business and a majority of the business and to this day he's still a minority, you know, holder, you know a minority investor. But I'm fully, you know, I've been running the day to day for I'm like the single managing member or whatever you want to call it for God, the last like eight years. So he stepped out at that point and we bought him out of majority and so, you know, there were a few months of not talking, not speaking, you know, anger or sadness, lots of that kind of stuff. I held onto a lot of resentment initially because it felt, you know, it was very yucky how it happened. It felt really yucky for me. But yeah, you know, just everything's cyclical, it's circled back around and you know the opportunity for forgiveness and to love that situation. So now you know we're friends, we're catching up and dinner, this week.
Speaker 2:You know, he's like you know he's a I wouldn't say a very active part of my life, but you know, definitely somebody that I keep in touch with, that I care about. I think I even dedicated my cookbook that's out Plant Food is Medicine. I have a dedication in there to him because, you know, one of the things about him is he believed in me and invested in me before I believed in myself you know, while you know we went in as 50-50 partners to start.
Speaker 2:You know it was his confidence in investing in me that gave me the confidence to invest in me. You know what I mean Totally. He loved my food and my passion and my beliefs and the things I was creating so much and he believed so much in them. I didn't believe in them, I mean. I remember the first day I did like a pre-opening party for 100, like friends and family, at my Carl's Bath location. It was the scariest day of my life. I hid in the back and I sent all the girls out like an army, you know, with trays of food and juice and things, and I waited there by the door, hiding in the back, and they'd come in one by one and I'm like, what are they saying?
Speaker 2:What are they saying Do they like it? And they were like everyone loves it. I was like oh, my God, okay. He was like I didn't have that confidence in what I was creating. I didn't believe in myself, and he really believed in me before I did, and so I'll always, you know, honor him and be grateful for him for that, you know. And you know we had a tough situation. You know like going into business and not really like.
Speaker 2:You know we were not a good fit for you know we're both very strong minded, very stubborn, very independent, and so, you know, it was great when we agreed, but if we disagreed it was really bad. Yeah, right, so we didn't. And also, back then, we didn't have the tools. I think, you know, he's been on the spiritual path as well. One of the things that I like to think that I shared with him is, like that journey, you know, and he stayed on that journey, and we didn't have the tools back then that we have today to navigate through conflict. You know, I like to think that maybe it would have been different today, but I think it was all unfolded the way it was supposed to. It was amazing. Yeah, it was amazing.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I just love you. Thank you so much. I love you too. Such a beautiful person. Thank you, yeah, thank you, for coming on and sharing all of that. I know that they're yeah, that was incredible. I loved all the things that you shared and really, really appreciate it and really just admire and honor and so much respect for the way that you show up in the world and continue to mold and work your life into something that's beautiful.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. I so appreciate the acknowledgement.
Speaker 1:Well, that is it for that episode. If you liked what you heard, be sure to hit the subscribe button so you will see when new episodes are released. And until next time, may your own unfolding be supported in a way that allows your every breath and action to rest soundly and resiliently within the center of your very own heart.